


Not Just a Fangirl

by KdramaJen



Category: bts
Genre: F/M, bts - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-10-17 15:26:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10596834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KdramaJen/pseuds/KdramaJen
Summary: Julia Connelly, gave up dancing a long time ago, but transferred that passion toward becoming a "dedicated fangirl," following her favorite K-Pop group BTS and bias, Jimin.  When she meets Jimin in real life, though, she rediscovers her love for dancing and develops feelings for Jimin that go beyond fangirling.  Could it be love?





	1. Dedicated Fangirl

Some people might use the phrase “saseung fan” to describe her, but Julia preferred the term "dedicated fangirl." It just has a better ring to it than "one who invades the private life of others," the direct translation of saseung. It's also a reminder that being this focused requires true commitment and conviction. Besides, it's not like she had ever done anything completely crazy. Well, at least not before last night. 

Maybe she had tipped the scales this time. She had camped out in the parking garage of the hotel where her favorite group (BTS) was staying, hoping to get a glimpse of her bias, Jimin. Her patience had paid off, though. Just as she was swallowing the last dregs of cold coffee from her thermos, she saw a figure step into the garage and slide into a black panel van with tinted windows. He was wearing a hoodie and sunglasses, but after years of studying every music video and Bangtan Bomb, there was no disguise that could keep Julia from recognizing the way he walked and moved. It was definitely Jimin! 

Julia tossed her thermos into her bag, snuck over to her car and followed the van out of the garage. She wasn't very familiar with the streets in this city, but she managed to keep up, staying a few car lengths behind. The van suddenly turned onto a side street and toward the aquarium. She made a hard right through a light that was arguably a bit more red than yellow, and then followed the stream of cars into the parking lot. 

Parking and making her way to the entrance, Julia kept her eyes focused on Jimin and his entourage the entire time. A couple of well-dressed men, probably personal security, walked behind Jimin, but it appeared that most of the people entering the aquarium had no idea who he was. Apparently Jimin also realized this; Julia watched as his shoulders visibly relaxed. One of the men made eye contact with her for a second, but he seemed to dismiss her, shifting his gaze away. 

She really had the perfect disguise. Who would believe that a petite Irish-American redhead would go to such lengths to chase after a Korean boy band member? It was easy for Julia to just blend in and follow her bias nonchalantly. Jimin must have felt nobody would recognize him because at his signal the two men he entered with fell back and wandered in another direction. 

Julia followed quietly, but was fully aware she was touching the same railing, taking in the same exhibits, and breathing the same air as her bias. It was so nice to see him like this, just being an ordinary person enjoying his anonymity. She felt a little guilty at that thought. He wasn't really enjoying a private moment because she was watching. But, to be fair, she wasn't taking pictures or video or...touching him. She laughed at herself and the way she was trying to justify her silent stalking. 

It could have ended like that, a peaceful day of seeing someone she admired enjoying a few moments of ordinary life. Just watching him might have been enough, but then they passed an open stage area. 

The announcer, a balding man wearing a dark green bow tie and suspenders, crooned into a headset microphone, "Ladies and gentlemen, we are looking for volunteers to be part of our amazing show." Gesturing toward Jimin, he said, "This young man looks like he would love to help us out." The announcer then grabbed an unsuspecting Jimin and practically dragged him up onto the stage. Julia was lost in her own thoughts, not realizing she had closed the gap between them to only a couple of feet. The announcer said, "How about your girlfriend too?" Caught off guard, Julia flailed a bit as the announcer pulled her up on stage as well. She glanced at Jimin and saw his look of confusion. His eyes were wild and he seemed almost frightened. Quietly speaking in Korean, Julia translated for him and explained what was happening. Jimin seemed almost more shocked that she could speak his language, but he quickly nodded. The announcer said, "We are going to have a dance off. This couple versus our sea lions." Julia translated and Jimin started to smile. The speakers began to crackle to life and a heavy bass beat started to play. The twin sea lions put on a great show for the audience, moving their bodies to the rhythm and bowing on command. 

Then the announcer turned to Jimin and Julia. "Do you think you can top that?" The audience laughed. Julia felt the familiar claws of anxiety threatening to choke her, but then the floor started to pulsate to the rhythm of the bass and she watched Jimin begin to dance. All of her past training and years of practice seemed to take control, overpowering the anxiety that usually left her immobilized. She danced and lost herself in the music, forgetting that it was just a marine animal show, but very aware of how her movements seemed an extension of Jimin's. They matched each other in perfect synchrony, something that clearly surprised Jimin, but seemed natural to Julia. After all, he had no way of knowing how she had been mirroring his dance moves for years. The beat of the music just seemed perfect for the "Not Today" choreography, so instead of two strangers looking silly as they competed against sea lions, the audience saw the tightly synchronized moves of a dance duo. The music soon ended and the audience cheered. The announcer seemed slightly annoyed, but said, "Well, folks, it looks like we have human winners this time!" Julia glanced over at Jimin and saw him smiling at her, that joyful eye smile that made the hearts of the ARMYs beat a little faster. She felt her cheeks turn pink and she looked away. The announcer asked for one more round of applause, thanked his "volunteers," and then it was over. 

Julia walked off the stage in a daze. She had danced with Jimin. She had danced with Jimin! Suddenly, though, she felt completely exposed. She had enjoyed just following him, like she was invisible, but now he would know. She might be Irish-American, but she clearly spoke Korean and knew his choreography. He would know she was here as a fan. She felt a bit guilty that she was responsible for ruining that sense of solitude he had clearly been enjoying. Julia closed her eyes for a moment, hoping to capture in her memory the feeling she had while she was dancing. It had been worth it. She had not danced on stage or in front of people in years, not since the accident, and she had not only danced, she had danced with Jimin! 

Julia sighed and started to make her way through the crowd and back into the exhibit areas. She froze when she felt a hand on her shoulder and heard his voice. "Hey, is my dance partner just going to walk away without talking to me?" And then in halting English he said, "I like your dancing." Julia slowly turned around and was face to face with the object of her fangirl fantasies. 

"Thank you. I haven't danced in front of people in a really long time, but that was fun." Julia responded in perfect Korean.

"Wow. Your Korean is really good too." Jimin spoke with sincerity in his voice.

"Ah. Yeah, well, I guess you could say I have studied it for a while. I used to live in Korea."  
"Wow! That is awesome. Wait. Do you know who I am?"

Looking up, Julia gathered her courage and said in her best imitation of someone completely unaffected, "Should I?” And then, acting surprised, “Oh! Are you part of that Kpop group that is town? A friend of mine does dance covers, so I learned the choreography from one of the songs she likes. BST or something, right?" Julia inwardly cringed at her lie. She expected Jimin to be upset or angry by her dismissive tone, but he suddenly grabbed her hand.

"What's your name?" Jimin ducked his head and then peered up at her face beneath her baseball cap. Julia caught her breath, taken aback by how beautiful he was up close. She had been to a number of hi-touch events. She was always stunned by how gorgeous the idols were up close, amazed it was not a trick of the lighting. She could see now it was not because of stage make-up either. He was bare faced, but he was breathtaking.

Julia stammered out her name. "My name is Julia."

"It is so nice to meet you, Julia. I am Christian Chim Chim." Jimin seemed amused by his invented name, and Julia almost smiled at his delight. Continuing, Jimin said, "I never expected to just meet someone out in public in America who kind of knows who I am. Well, at least not someone I just happened to run into. Near our hotel and at the airport we see many fans, but you are the first person I have met just by chance. You would not believe what sometimes happens. People call and pretend to work for our company, Big Hit, to find out our room numbers, camp out in front of our hotel, and even pay a taxi driver to chase after us."

Julia swallowed her guilt as she realized she is exactly the kind of fan Jimin hoped to avoid. While she had never posed an employee of Big Hit, she had camped out and chased after him. Of course, she had camped out in the parking garage, not in front of the hotel and drove her own car instead of paying a taxi driver, so that was a little different, right?

As Julia tried to justify her actions in her head, Jimin continued to chatter on. She was pulled from her woolgathering when she heard him say, "ice cream." 

"What did you say?"

"I was wondering if you might like to get some ice cream, nodding toward a sign for the ice cream shop inside the food court area. I don't usually indulge, but I want to today since I am in America and I have such lovely company." Jimin looked at Julia with hopeful eyes, more like a puppy than an adult. 

Unable to resist, Julia stuttered. "Umm... sure."

They walked together toward the food court area, stopping to enjoy the antics of the sea otters and exclaiming over the beauty of the stingrays soaring through the water. They chatted casually and Julia was amazed at how relaxed she felt in his company. 

When they walked over to the ice cream stand, Jimin patted his pockets, and then looked around, embarrassed. "I am so sorry. I invited you for ice cream, but I left my wallet with my friend." 

Julia bit back a smile at his forlorn expression. She could tell he had really wanted the experience of buying ice cream for himself. 

“No problem. It’s my treat!” Julia paid for the ice cream and sat down next to Jimin. She gazed at him as he licked his ice cream cone. She didn't touch hers, but just watched him as he enjoyed the sweet treat. It was clearly an indulgence for him because he seemed to savor it, taking his time and making small mewls of pleasure as he ate. Julia just stared. At one point he had ice cream on his upper lip. Julia began to re-enact scenes from Kdramas in her mind. If only she could just lean forward and...

"Lick it."

Julia blinked in confusion and then blushed. Had he read her mind? Then she saw him gesturing at her cone. It was dripping everywhere. Jimin laughed and then repeated his words, "Lick it so it doesn't drip." He quickly pulled napkins from the dispenser and shoved them in her hand. Julia blushed even more, dropping her melted disaster of a cone on the table, and then tried to clean up her mess.

Jimin was laughing uncontrollably as Julia tried to swipe at the melted puddle on the table and floor with her napkins, smearing ice cream everywhere. He leaned down to help, but accidentally hit Julia in the head as she came up from her ineffective attempts at mopping the floor, knocking her baseball cap off her head. At that moment, Julia’s hair, that had been safely coiled and tucked away throughout their dance performance, came tumbling down, and her long red tresses were suddenly dipped in chocolate-vanilla custard. Jimin tried to help, but it just made everything worse. Julia somehow ended up with ice cream not only in her hair but on her forehead too. Soon, they were both laughing because it seemed the more they tried to clean it up, the messier it became. It looked like a few wayward toddlers had attempted to finger-paint on the table using ice cream. When the girl working behind the counter came out to scold them for their horseplay, they laughed even harder. Their eyes met and Julia felt joy like she had not felt in years. Jimin smirked at her and then grabbed her hand, pulling her along with him. 

Suddenly, though, he came to a halt, and quickly turned around. He grabbed his sweatshirt that had been loosely tied around his waist and threw it over her head, shielding her.   
From beneath the sweatshirt, Julia heard the click of cameras and the screams and shouts of Jimin's fans. Julia heard Jimin's tense voice as he gave her rapid directions. "Julia, keep this over your head. Do not let them see your face. Walk into the bathroom and put your hat back on. Stay there until it is safe."

Jimin gave her a push and then he turned to the gathering crowd. He quickly advanced forward, waving and smiling, giving Julia time to escape into the bathroom, hopefully before anyone realized they had been together


	2. Chapter 2

Julia felt a small sliver of fear shiver down her spine. She had seen what some of the more extreme members of the fandom could be like. There was a time when someone had dared to request a serenade at a fan-meet. The unsuspecting girl, full of excitement, posted the video on the Internet and then a group of international fans started spamming her with threats and rude comments. And that was for something minor. When another Kpop group member snuck out on a date with an aspiring actress, fans discovered his betrayal, and turned their anger toward the girl he was rumored to like. Overnight she had thousands of anti fans and had to take a break from acting; she even left Korea to study abroad. The fandom is not forgiving when someone gets a little too close to their idols, and Julia had not only danced with Jimin, but had been holding his hand.

Julia made her way to the bathroom and ducked into a stall. She listened for a few  
minutes, but it was quiet. Julia walked to the sink and washed the ice cream out of her hair. As she watched the water slowly turn clear as the last remains of the ice cream were washed down the drain, she started to return to reality. She had just experienced a once in a lifetime opportunity, but it was over now. Jimin would be swept away by his security guards, and he would likely be forbidden to leave his hotel except for tomorrow's concert. Julia would have to be happy with just the memories of today. She quickly braided her wet hair and tucked it under her baseball cap. She really wanted to wear Jimin's sweatshirt, but knew that would be a bad idea, so she shoved it into her bag, adjusted her hat, and started toward the exit. As she pushed open the door, a man in dark glasses blocked her way. He spoke quickly in brisk English. "Wait for the crowd to run by. Jimin called in reinforcements. Then, walk around the corner and take the stairs to the first floor. Take the exit in the back that leads to the parking lot. We don't think anyone saw you, but the dance video is going viral, so it is only a matter of time. Oh, and here. Jimin asked me to give you these tickets for you and your friend who does the dance covers"

Julia grasped the tickets in her hand and then watched as Jin from BTS walked casually by, only pausing to wink at her. He winked! And then he started to dance, drawing the attention of a large group of girls. Not known for being naturally talented as a dancer, hard work and perseverance seemed to pay off because his crisp moves were certainly enough to draw away the fangirls with their cameras. Security closed in around him and he led everyone away from Julia's hiding place, like a magical dancing pied piper. He even blew kisses to his adoring fans.

Without thinking, Julia followed the directions she had been given and soon found herself in the parking lot, safe behind the steering wheel of her car. She took a deep breath and drove back to her hotel.


	3. Chapter 3

Julia slid her room card into the slot and heard the snick of the lock. She was so tired that even pushing the door open felt like a chore. She needed a serious power nap after staying up all night in the parking garage, and as the adrenaline from her adventure left her, she felt her whole body cry out for sleep. She dropped onto her bed and immediately fell into oblivion.

When she woke a few hours later, it took a minute for Julia to realize that everything that had happened was not just a dream. She replayed the events over and over in her head, and then remembered that the security guy or body guard or whatever he was had mentioned something about a video.

What viral video was that guy talking about? She scanned her social media accounts, and since she subscribed to practically any site that covered BTS or her bias, it was not hard to find it. Some well-meaning aquarium patron had posted the video of the "Sea Lion Dance Off." Jimin was quickly recognized once the video was shared and in very little time enterprising fan girls had figured out where he was and what he was doing. Julia realized that Jin must have also been at the aquarium all along. He probably had arrived separately right behind Jimin. She apologized in her head to him for also inadvertently ruining his chance for private time too.

 

Julia clicked on the video, checking to see how recognizable she might be. It was not a high quality video. The person shooting it had mostly zoomed in on the sea lions, and then zoomed out for their dance part. Her hair, her most recognizable feature, could not be seen under her cap, and she had kept her head down for most of the dance. As she watched it, though, she found herself impressed with the way they moved together. She was not one to give false praise, especially to herself, but they really looked good together. It was a relief that this video was not of high enough quality for anyone to tell it was her, but she knew her fandom well. This video was only the beginning. There were likely dozens more just waiting to surface, people who had no idea what they were capturing on film. It was only a matter of time.

Just then her phone rang, making her jump in surprise. It was her best friend, Char. "Hey, lady, did you happen to see the amazing dance off your bias and some unidentified girl had with a couple of seals or whales or something?" Julia started to plead ignorance, but then Char said, "Spill it. Tell me everything. Not only am I the only one that has seen you dance in years, but I am also your best friend. Do you really think I wouldn't recognize you?"

It was a relief to be able to tell someone, so Julia shared every detail with her best friend, and as best friends do, Char squealed at all the appropriate moments. Julia had known Char her whole life. They had taken dance classes together starting in preschool, and when Julia's family had moved to Korea, the two of them had kept in touch, often choreographing routines together by video. It was also Char that had been there for Julia after the accident. When Julia's whole life fell apart and she had to come back to live with her grandmother, Char was there for her. Even when Julia vowed never to dance again, Char had been able to convince Julia to at least dance in the privacy of her own home. Julia had not lied to Jimin about everything. It was true that Char did dance covers of popular Kpop songs and Julia often helped with the choreography. It just wasn't true that Julia did not know him by name. Yeah, that was the biggest lie. She not only knew his name, but she knew his birthday, height, blood type, names of artists he wanted to collaborate with in the future, and pretty much anything he had ever revealed in an interview or video. She was 100% a dedicated fangirl, and she had just lied about it to her bias!

"Char! When will you get here? He gave me tickets to the concert! They are seated tickets too. I don't want to camp out anymore."

"My train just got in. I am not far from the hotel. I was going to go directly to the stadium and set up the tent. If you have seats, I think I would rather do that than risk getting my ribs bruised again. Remember the last time we were in the pit? We had a great view, but I was pushed up against the barrier and could barely breathe."

"Yeah, I think I still have a dent on the top of my head from where that one girl used me as a tripod for her phone. Just because I am not tall does not mean people should feel free to use me like a coffee table." Julia rubbed the spot on her head as if she could still feel the taller girl leaning on her. "That was not cool."

Char laughed, "Then let's be civilized and steer clear of the hoi polloi this time."

"Sounds like a plan. Come to the hotel and then we can do some tourist things tomorrow instead of spending all day waiting in line. You can check in at the desk and get your key."

"Are you going to try to get some pictures or videos of them tonight?"

"Nah. I have kind of lost interest in that idea now that I have been on the other side of the camera. It is kind of scary!" Julia shuddered as she remembered the mob of screaming girls.

"What? Our intrepid fangirl who once scaled a wall to snap photos of her boys thinks fangirls are scary?" 

Julia laughed. "Hey, a girl can change. Even a dedicated fangirl such as me."

 

Laughing, Char replied. "Sounds good. I will be there soon! Love you forever."

Without missing her cue, Julia replied, "Love you always."

Julia disconnected the call and decided to take a real shower to get the remaining ice cream out of her hair. While lathering, Julia suddenly remembered she had Jimin's sweatshirt in her bag. She quickly finished her shower.

After drying off and changing into her workout clothes, Julia pulled the sweatshirt out of her backpack, held it up to her face and inhaled. It was dark green and smelled like sunshine and soap. (At least that is how Julia thought of it in her head.) She pulled the sweatshirt closer to inhale again, and then she realized with a start that his room key was in the pocket. If she had found this even 24 hours ago, she would have been extremely tempted to use it, pretending she was delivering room service or something equally crazy. Instead of acting on any kind of residual fan girl fantasy, though, Julia carefully placed the room key on the desk, lining it up next to hers. It seemed perfect just like that. She pulled the hooded sweatshirt over her head and snuggled into it, wrapping her arms around herself in a hug. 

Holy crap! She had met Jimin! No, she had danced with him and laughed with him and held his hand! Julia bounced back on the bed with a little shriek of delight, but she miscalculated and ended up overshooting her mark, bouncing too high, and then sprawling inelegantly in the space between the wall and the bed. Her shoulders were wedged tightly, while the middle part of her body kept traveling toward the ground, legs sticking straight up in the air, like a poorly coordinated kid stuck in a hammock. 

"Nice job, Jewels. If Jimin could see you now he would be so impressed by your natural grace." Char stood inside the door with her duffel bag in one hand and a wide grin on her face. 

Julia launched herself out of her awkward position and practically threw herself at her friend. Char dropped her bag and hugged her tightly. It had been months since they had seen each other in person. They video chatted everyday, and they worked on their choreography together thanks to the wonders of the Internet, but this was the first time they were in the same space in a long time. 

Char was the visual opposite of Julia. She was tall, lanky, and built like a ballerina. Her olive skin and high cheekbones hinted at a heritage that might have been Italian, Native American, or even Middle Eastern. She wore her dark hair short, cropped close to her head, and that only served to accent her flashing brown eyes. When not showing her dancing talents on YouTube, Char worked in a high end salon in NY City as a makeup artist and hair stylist. In that way too, she was not like Julia. Char was bold and daring with her fashion and design choices. Julia was more traditional. She wore her strawberry blonde hair well past her shoulders and wore only minimal amounts of make up. She usually dressed in workout clothes or baggy sweats. She didn't have to dress up for a job yet like Char, since she was a college student.  
Julia had been offered a full scholarship to study chemical engineering. Since she was a good student and really didn't care what she studied, she had accepted the scholarship. She now found herself working toward a degree in a field she really didn't have any passion toward, but it would probably allow her to make a decent living in the future. She always joked with Char, "As long as it will fund my fangirling for life, then I will be fine doing whatever."

Char unpacked her duffel bag and suggested they order Chinese takeout. 

When the food arrived Julia fussed with all of the dishes, arranging them on the small, round table in the corner of the room. 

"Dinner is served, my dear." She gestured toward the table and then noticed Char was frowning at her phone. "What's up?"

Char looked up. "This is not good, Julia. Someone snapped a picture of you before Jimin could block their view."

Julia dropped the fortune cookies she had been taking out of the bag, and ran over to Char. She sat down on the bed and looked on in horror as she saw her picture all over Instagram. She was partially blocked by Jimin, but since she had been running, her hair was very visible, and about half of her face could be seen too.

Char, always the pragmatist, pointed out, "Hey, at least your hair looks good. You kind of look like you’re starring in a shampoo commercial."

Julia groaned. "There will be some crazy fangirl that is going to hunt me down because of this. I can't go to the concert! Someone will recognize me. If I hide my hair under my hat, they will recognize me from the dance video. If I wear my hair down without my hat, then they will connect me with this picture. What can I do?”

Char looked at Julia, thoughtfully, and then grinned. Let's eat this delicious dinner you prepared, get some sleep, and then we will fix this problem in the morning. I have a plan, so just trust me, OK?

After dinner, the girls spent the evening talking and catching up. Despite having a nap earlier in the day, Julia could feel her eyes drooping. The girls finished their chat and then they decided to make it an early night. Tomorrow was sure to be exhausting.


	4. Chapter 4

Hyung, it just happened. I was wandering around the aquarium on my own, and then the next thing I knew I was dragged on stage."

“By a dancing seal?” Suga, was slouched in a corner, but was half-listening to Jimin's story. 

“No, hyung. By a creepy guy in a bow tie. I felt like I did that time they pretended to kidnap us in LA. Suddenly I was on stage and I didn't understand what he was saying, and then this girl was right beside me, translating everything. And then we were dancing, and it felt almost...magical.”

Taehyung, one of the other members of the group happened to be walking by just then, "And fairies and unicorns held hands and rejoiced." He danced out of the way as Jimin reached out to smack him. 

"You know that's not what I meant. It was just so...nice, you know? It was the first time in a long time I have danced just because. And she was good. I mean really good- like J-Hope good. 

At that moment J-Hope popped his head around the corner. "You mean this good?" J-Hope, started dancing, imitating the moves to a popular girl group song. Taehyung joined in, and soon the conversation was forgotten as they gyrated and and twirled, giving an exaggerated performance of Twice's "Knock Knock." Even Jongkook put his laptop aside and joined in on the final chorus, making a circle around Jimin as they danced. 

Jimin found himself laughing at their crazy expressions. Suga readjusted his position and put his hat over his face. "We have practice in an hour. I am going to nap until then."

Jongkook went back to playing Overwatch and Jimin went to find Namjoon. As expected, Namjoon had his headphones on and was working on a new song. 

He took his headphones off when Jimin came in. "What's up?"

Jimin launched into an explanation of what had happened. Suga and Namjoon had been working on music all day, so this was the first opportunity Jimin had to tell Namjoon about his adventure.

He explained the whole story and then ended with, "Hyung, it was amazing. It was so nice just to walk around and laugh with someone who wasn't just smiling because I am famous. She really saw ME. And I haven't had so much fun dancing in a long time." 

"Wow. She IS a great dancer," Namjoon said.

"Yeah. She is. It was like... Wait. How do you know?"

Namjoon nodded toward his computer screen. He was playing a video of their performance. Seeing it like this was even more incredible. He had felt how in tune they were during the performance, but now he could see it. It looked like they had been dancing together for years. He prided himself on being a dancer with natural ability, but he had to admit it; she was even better than him. He wasn't kidding before. She WAS J-Hope good!

Namjoon snapped his fingers to get his attention. "Did you hear me?" This could cause her trouble. Our fans might misinterpret this. And, look. He pointed to the Instagram picture that showed Jimin's wide grin with his hand extended behind him. Julia's red hair and the corner of her face could be seen. 

Namjoon translated the English caption and read the hashtags: #Whoisthegirl #Jimin  
"Jimin, this could cause us some problems, but you know it will be Julia who will suffer. She didn't even know your identity. She won't even know that people are curious about her. Did you say you gave her tickets? Maybe she won't come. It would probably be better for her if she doesn't show up."

Jimin had enjoyed his morning with Julia, maybe even more than he wanted to admit, but he felt his earlier happiness start to fizzle when he realized that he would be exposing her to a lot of questions if anyone recognized her. The best thing he could do is wait and see if she was recognized. If she was, then he would deny he knew her, because really that was the truth. They had met by chance, danced with sea lions, and had shared a laugh over some melted ice cream. That was it. A dance off against seals was not exactly a date. But, somehow that didn't feel like the whole truth. If that was it, then why would he have this overwhelming urge to see her again?


	5. Chapter 5

In the morning, Char told Julia she had to run out for a bit. Julia decided to push away her worries by watching a Kdrama. She was in full binge watching mode when Char returned. Char headed into the bathroom and was humming, like she always did when she was working on a project of some kind.

After a while she poked her head around the door and said, "Julia, do you trust me?"

Julia looked up from her show. "Uh oh. Why do I feel like I should be saying, 'famous last words' after you say that?"

Julia put her iPad away and then walked into the bathroom. Char had arranged scissors, hair dye, and a number of unidentifiable boxes and bottles on the shelves above the sink.

Char cleared her throat. "OK. So, hear me out before you run away."

Julia raised an eyebrow. It was a skill she was rather proud of, but it was reserved for situations just like this. In fact, as she thought about it, it seemed to be used every time she got together with Char. 

Julia rolled her eyes (also something she tended to do when her best friend had a plan). 

"Just hear me out, Jewels. If you wear your hat you might be recognized. If you wear your hair down you might be recognized, but if you CUT your hair and change its color, then you can go to the concert just as we planned."

Julia saw the logic of the plan, but despite some of the crazy things she had done in the name of fangirling, she was pretty conservative about how she looked. She eyed one of the boxes, "Char! Is that blue hair dye?"

Char was looking Julia over very carefully. "I bought a few different options." 

Julia recognized Char's "professional mode," so she did not dare interrupt her. 

"Hmm... With your light coloring, I don't think I can do anything too dark. I was thinking it might be fun to go with a turquoise color, especially with the style I have in mind. The color will wash out, but the cut will take a while. Will you trust me?"

Julia took a deep breath. “OK! I put myself in your capable hands.”

Char got right to work. Julia was rather proud of herself that she didn't cry when the scissors took off at least ten inches of her hair all at once, and then she could feel it was much more than that later. Char would not let her look in the mirror. She finished the cut and then she expertly opened the hair dye and mixed and measured with perfect precision. Julia could not help but think that Char looked more like a chemist in that moment than Julia ever had in the chemistry lab at her school.

After what seemed like 8 hours to Julia, but Char had assured her had been less than 3, Char was ready to show Julia a mirror. Julia could tell Char was pleased with the results. For the first time in their long friendship, Julia had allowed Char to not only cut and style her hair but put makeup on her too. Char had even stuck on some of those fake eyelashes and had used like 50 bottles and pots of potions and paints. Julia braced herself, and then opened her eyes as Char led her to the mirror.

Her first thought was, "Well, nobody will recognize me. I don't even recognize myself."

Her second thought was, "Wow! That girl looks stunning."

Her third thought was, "Holy crap that girl is me! And I have turquoise hair!"

Char was biting her lip nervously. "So, what do you think?"

Julia didn't share any of the first three thoughts. Instead, she smiled at her friend and said, "Let's go explore this city and then go to a concert!"

 

Julia and Char spent the day getting to know the city. They checked off places in their guide book and then made a pact to come back another time. Soon, though, it was time for the concert. After spending the day out in public with her new look, Julia was almost accustomed to the stares and lingering looks. She was used to the sideways glances every time she went out with Char. Just this time, the admiring looks were for both of them. It was a rather heady feeling, and since Julia felt like she was cos-playing as someone else, she decided to enjoy it. 

When they arrived at the stadium, they did not have to wait in line long. Their tickets were scanned, and then one of the security guards caught the eye of another. The second security team member picked up his phone and made a call. Julia worried for a minute that maybe the tickets were not legit. She giggled at the idea that Jimin had given her fraudulent tickets. It would definitely be just her luck. She turned to the security guard, "Is everything OK?" 

He seemed startled, but he grunted in reply, "Yup. All set. Enjoy the show."

Julia had to wait for Char's bag to be searched. "Please tell me you didn't pack your scissors this time."

The last time they had gone to a concert Char had forgotten that she had last used her bag to transport supplies to a stylist competition. So, when security looked through the pockets of her bag, they found a pair of scissors and a razor. Luckily, they believed Char's story and she was able to enter the venue, but they still confiscated everything.

This time, though, Char had been careful to pack only the most basic necessities, including her light sticks and light up sign.

After Char made it through security unscathed, they picked their way through the crowd and found their seats. The view was perfect. They were just enough above the stage to be almost at eye level. Char and Julia usually tried to fight it out in the pit to get the best view, but this was quite a welcome change. 

Even before the concert there were videos playing and the atmosphere was electric. There were probably close to 20,000 people waiting with expectation. This was always one of Julia's favorite moments, that feeling of anticipation right before they took the stage. If she was honest with herself it was also the part she had once loved about performing. Ha! To think she had once had no fear and no stage fright. It was laughable now.

The lights started to dim and the energy of the crowd shifted. A video played, building the moment, and then...they were in front of her. Well, technically they were toward the back of the stage, but soon they moved toward the front, and she realized that the ticket she was given gave her the perfect view of Jimin. She cheered along with the crowd, but she only had eyes for Jimin. As if she had been thirsty for the past day, she drank him in, noticing everything. He looked tired. He was smiling and dancing, but his exhaustion was evident. As she watched him she saw he kept glancing toward their section. She gave a little wave, and then saw his eyes widen in apparent recognition, or maybe shock at her appearance? Was she just imagining the way he seemed to be singing directly toward her? 

It was an incredible concert. They sang their popular new songs and most of her old favorites. Even though it was in the United States fans were singing along. She knew she was the exception, many fans enjoyed the music without knowing Korean, so it was kind of amazing that so many of the 20,000 fans were rapping along in Korean and belting out the chorus of each song. Usually she would be screaming out the lyrics with everyone else, but she realized that she was supposed to be someone who was only peripherally familiar with BTS, so she held herself back from singing along. It didn’t keep her from enjoying the concert because it truly seemed like she was being treated to her own personal performance. Jimin really appeared to be stealing glances at her, and the other members of the group also seemed to be taking turns sending smiles and finger hearts in her direction. Julia realized that probably every fan felt this way, but still, it seemed more purposeful this time.  
At the end of the final song, before the encore, a woman wearing a security tag approached Julia and Char. She leaned down and said, “Please wait in your seat once the show is over. Special backstage arrangements have been made for you.”

Julia and Char looked at each other in surprise. And then mouthed the words, “backstage?” They squeezed hands excitedly, and then nodded calmly toward the woman. As soon as the security guard walked away, though, they put their heads together and hugged one another. 

“What do you think this means?” Char’s eyes were shining with excitement. She had never gone quite as far as Julia as a fangirl, but she was a huge fan. She always claimed she had no bias, but there was something about the way Suga rapped out his lines with defiance that made her heart skip a beat. Behind the scenes videos always showed him as kind of laidback and detached, but when he was on stage the only word that came to mind was “fierce.” He seemed to transform. So, while from an objective point of view Char leaned toward the dancers in the group, she was always transported by Suga’s parts. It always amazed her because there was a time when she would have said she didn’t even like rap music, but BTS rap was somehow...different. And now she might get to meet them.

There wasn’t time to share hypotheses because the chanting of the crowd intensified and suddenly with a backdrop of rainbow lights, BTS was back! They performed several more songs, including Char’s favorite, “Cypher 4” and Julia’s new favorite “Spring Day.” The stadium erupted with applause and thunderous cheers. As people tossed headbands and toys on stage, the BTS members took turns gathering them up, posing for pictures, and shooting finger hearts at the fans. Julia took it all in, but she had eyes only for Jimin, and was it her imagination? It seemed like his eyes were on her too.


	6. Chapter 6

It felt strange to just let the throngs of people spill out of the stadium while Char and Julia waited for everyone to leave. Julia watched as fans of every age, shape, and color chattered excitedly as they left the concert area. Julia smiled and leaned her head on Char’s shoulder. “Isn’t it amazing? Imagine being able to transport people into another world in that way. I am sure some of them have all kinds of worries, but for tonight this time we all shared together washed it all away for a while.” 

Char turned her dark eyes toward Julia, “You used to do that for people too. Do you remember?”  
Julia lifted her head and sat up, turning away from her friend. “That was another time.”

“It doesn’t have to be. You could go back.”

Julia’s eyes shuttered and her voice tightened in self-loathing. “You know I can’t. Nothing will ever be the same. Who am I kidding? What am I even doing here?” Julia started to stand up and turned to grab her jacket.

“Excuse me. I am sorry to interrupt, but I was asked to escort you backstage. My name is David.”  
The voice was smooth, cultured, and sounded British. Char’s hand that had been outstretched to stop Julia from leaving suddenly tightened on Julia’s arm. Julia’s back was to the David, but she immediately recognized the predatory smile on Char’s face and the way she purred, “Nice to meet you, David.”

Poor David. If Char had him in her sights, then he might as well surrender now.

Julia turned to get a better look at Char’s prey and understood what had her friend so captivated. He was tall, probably 6 feet or more, had wide shoulders, and the kind of chiseled features seen only on actors or models. He looked like he could be playing the part of “hot bodyguard” in a Korean drama. But, then there was that British accent that somehow seemed both out of place and absolutely perfect. He was smiling at Char with a sexy smirk, and Julia had to reevaluate her earlier conclusion. This would not be one of Char’s usual easy conquests. This guy knew how to use his assets to full advantage.

“Are you two ready for your backstage tour? We usually do these before the concert, but I guess it makes sense to do it now.“

David had already started walking away, leading them down the stairs. Julia and Char had to move quickly to keep up with his long-legged stride.  
Only moments before, Julia had been considering running away, but now she found herself being dragged across the stadium floor and toward a side exit door by her best friend. Even if she wanted to leave now, there was no way she could. Her bestie was on a mission. And now Julia would have to play wingman.  
Char tugged at her arm a little harder, “Come on. We don’t want to miss a thing.”

 

Julia and Char followed David through a series of corridors until they came to a space filled with people running around, packing up costumes, and boxes.

David pointed out the dressing room the group had used and showed them the understage area where each idol had waited before they were individually catapulted into the air during their opening act. David’s thorough tour was full of anecdotes and details that would probably be fascinating if she was hearing them for the first time, but Julia guiltily realized that she knew all of these stories already because she was pretty much an expert in all things BTS. 

“This stage was personally designed by Hitman to reflect the personal style of each member.” David gestured toward the intricately designed stage, smiling at Char. Char had claimed his arm and the two of them looked like they were strolling together through an art gallery instead of picking their way through the underbelly of a giant stadium.

This was familiar territory for Julia. She hung back a bit and let Char work her magic. Feeling like she was tagging along on someone else’s cozy date, Julia slowed her pace and let David and Char go ahead.

Julia wandered on her own, hearing David’s polished voice trailing off as he regaled Char with stories. Julia took her time peeking into rooms, inhaling the almost musty scent of the air, taking her back to the days when the rigging and lights filled her with energy and excitement. She paused for a moment, thinking she heard footsteps behind her. Char and David were no longer in sight, and Julia was suddenly acutely aware that she was basically alone in the basement of a giant building in a not-so-lovely area of the city. They had passed panhandlers and what her mom would have called “rough looking characters” on their walk to the stadium.  
Julia quickened her pace a bit and tried not to let her imagination run wild. 

It wasn’t her imagination. She could hear someone coming up behind her, and then she felt a hand clasp her shoulder.

Julia reacted instinctively. Her army brat upbringing had included some Tae Kwon Do and personal defense training along with all of her dance lessons. Grabbing the hand on her shoulder with two hands she immediately spun around, twisting the arm of her attacker, forcing him to the ground. 

She had her leg poised to deliver a front kick if necessary, but when she saw who she had thrown to the ground, she immediately let go

Looking up at her from the ground with a sheepish grin on his face was her ultimate bias.

“Jimin?? Are you OK? I am so sorry.”

“Surprise?” Jimin said the English word almost as a question. And then switched to Korean. “I guess I scared you?”

Julia was mortified. She had come very close to breaking the arm of the idol she had pictures of wallpapered in her bedroom.

She was frozen in place until Jimin, now squatting on the ground with his arms wrapped around his knees, started to laugh. “I planned this whole backstage tour, convinced David, to distract your friend so I could have a few minutes alone with you, but I never imagined this!  
Jimin slowly stood and reached his hands out to Julia. “I wanted a chance to apologize for yesterday and, well, to thank you too.”

Julia held out her hands in stunned silence and felt him lace his fingers through hers. They stood facing each other in a darkened corridor, until Jimin tugged Julia a little closer and said, “I can’t explain how much it meant to me to have those few stolen moments yesterday. I have always loved to dance, but lately it has felt like just another part of my job. I follow the choreography with my body, but it has been a long time since I felt like my soul was dancing too. Jimin shifted on his feet and looked earnestly at Julia. I don’t know how to explain what I mean exactly, but I wanted to tell you this. I felt like you might understand what I meant. His trademark shy smile appeared as he squeezed Julia’s hands. I also wanted to apologize for making you the subject of gossip. We love our fans, but sometimes their interest in us can be a little overwhelming. I know you had no idea who I was and what dancing with me and eating ice cream with me might mean. I guess you even had to change your hair because of it. Jimin’s eyes darkened as he looked more closely at Julia, “By the way, you look beautiful.” Julia had seen him go from sweet and shy in front of the camera to sexy and predatory in an instant, but those had been videos and pictures. He was now looking at HER in that same way. She swallowed. Only seconds before she was prepared to confess that she was really one of those fans he had described, but it felt like she was completely paralyzed by his gaze. 

He leaned in a little closer, his voice barely a whisper. “Julia I have been thinking about this since yesterday. I really want to..”  
Julia licked her lips in anticipation. Was he going to kiss her? Was her first kiss really going to be with Jimin?”  
All thoughts fled from her brain as she inhaled the scent of him, a heady mix of face powder, sweat, and the unique scent she had come to associate with Jimin. She leaned forward, and just in time, registered what he was saying before she actually turned her lips to his.  
Jimin continued his sentence, “I really want to...dance with you again.”  
A bucket of iced water poured over her head could not have been more effective at pulling Julia back to reality.  
She pulled herself out of her fantasy and looked at Jimin. “I don’t dance anymore.” Julia tasted the coldness of her words and could almost feel her heart harden. She took a step back, but felt herself being tugged forward again.  
Jimin smiled at her and said, “Nonsense. Of course you still dance” and then he was dragging Julia along with him. She was too surprised to protest. Just like that, Julia found herself running through the darkened hallways, as Jimin led her through the labyrinth of sharp turns. Jimin pushed open a set of stage doors and suddenly they were on the same stage where she had watched him perform only an hour earlier.


	7. Chapter 7

There were no spotlights from above, but there was still floor lighting. Jimin took out his phone and pushed a few buttons. Music started to play from a small speaker at the edge of the stage. It was a song Julia knew by heart. It was Spring Day, a lyrical ballad that featured Jimin on vocals. She had pictured the choreography she would use a thousand times. Jimin started to sway to the music, and as if her stubborn mind had been overruled by her body, Julia felt herself moving as well. This time they were not moving in unison with perfectly timed identical choreography, but somehow they were still dancing together, almost instinctively knowing when to bend and twist. Julia let her mind go blank and let the music flow through her. Muscle memory took over and she felt herself flying and lunging and spinning across the darkened stage, at times by herself and at others entwined with Jimin. The song ended and Julia and Jimin both collapsed on the stage floor, feeling exhausted and exhilarated. Jimin propped himself up on one elbow and looked at Julia. “Why are you not on stage doing this every night? I have never seen anyone who can express so much through dance. You were born to do this. I could help you. I could introduce you to people who can make you a star.”

Julia closed her eyes. “You don’t understand. I can’t dance anymore.”

Jimin laughed a little, “I believe I have proof right in front of me that you can dance. What do you call what we just did?”

Julia blinked. “It was a dream. When it is for real, I just can’t.”

Julia felt the pad of Jimin’s thumb under her eye as he gently wiped away the tear she didn’t even know was there. Concern filled his dark brown eyes. His voice was barely a whisper, “What are you so afraid of?”

Julia wanted to tell him. She wanted someone besides Char to understand the demon she carried with her. She opened her mouth to tell him. She tried to say the words, but Jimin’s phone started buzzing, the sound reverberating around the stage, since it was amplified through the speaker.

Startled, Jimin and Julia sat up quickly, as if someone had walked in on an intimate moment. Jimin reached for his phone. She heard him switch to formal and deferential language, so it was clearly the group leader.  
“Yes. I will be right there. I know. I am coming now.” Jimin ran his hand through his hair as he listened, an instinctive gesture that fangirls swoon over. “I know, but…. Yes. Ok. I will.” Jimin disconnected the call and sighed briefly. He turned to Julia. “I am leaving tomorrow. I don’t really know what this is” He motioned toward the space between them. “ Maybe it’s because we danced together and I felt like I was my true self for the first time in a long time. You didn’t know who I was supposed to be, so I was able to just be me, and it felt like you understood that. Or maybe it is just that I can’t stand to see someone with such a gift hide it from the world. Or maybe…”. Jimin put his hands on Julia’s shoulders and she felt him lean forward. He gently brushed his lips against hers. They were warm and soft, and barely a whisper. Julia was unable to respond, completely frozen. She felt every sensation, but was unable to move. He tasted sweet with a touch of peppermint. And just like that it was over. She mentally kicked herself. Wasn’t she the one always screaming at the screen when the drama heroines just stood there with big buggy eyes when the leading man swooped in for a kiss?  
Jimin lifted his head and then gathered her in his arms, giving her a tight hug. “I can’t name what this feeling is, but I really wanted to do this too.”

Jimin released Julia and smiled shyly. “I promise I am not one of those idols you read about that goes around doing this kind of thing. I have never...I mean…”

Julia found her voice and said, “Yeah. I know. That’s not who you are.” And she did know. Even with all of the paparazzi following their every move, Jimin was known for his purity. There was not a hint of scandal following him like some idols. Even if she had not known all of this because of her in depth knowledge, Julia was sure she would have believed him anyway. He was looking at her with such sincerity. “I have to go now. And we are avoiding the crowds by taking a flight out in a few hours. We are going to be on tour for the next few months, but I will be here for this in August. I want to see you dance again, and... I want to see you again. Will you think about it?” Jimin took a piece of folded paper out of his pocket and carefully placed in it Julia’s hand. 

His phone buzzed again, and he smiled apologetically. “ I really have to go, they are going to be furious if I don’t leave right now, but I don’t want to. He squeezed Julia’s hand one last time and then disappeared into the shadows. She heard him pick up the phone and reassure his group members that he was on his way and then his voice went from a murmur to silence, as she heard the heavy stage door close behind him.

Julia hugged herself, shaking her head. It all felt like a dream. Did that just happen?

She looked at the paper Jimin had carefully placed in her hands. It was folded neatly and precisely, like a master of origami had taken the time to measure and fold each crease of the paper. She unfolded it and looked at the page. Tears swam in front of her eyes. It’s not like he could have known. She knew he was only trying to encourage her, but there in front of her was the name of the competition she had once dreamed of being part of. In giant letters it said, “Seoul Beats: Next Hit Dance Competition will be coming to the USA. August 18th. Searching for the next great dancer. Will it be you?” She read the words aloud and felt each one like a blade. God, he couldn’t have known, but it hurt to see it. It was because of her selfish need, her greed to enter this contest, that her parents died. She crumpled the paper in her hand, and pushed forward blindly. She felt the panic take over, her throat closing off, the feeling of her heart beating too fast, and the image of her parents gasping for their last breaths. She clutched her arm and felt the almost imperceptible scar where the glass had cut her. It didn’t seem right that such a devastating accident, something that claimed both of her parents lives, could leave such an almost invisible pink line on her skin. Why did they have to die and she was left with literally a scratch? Especially when it was her fault.

Julia was running at this point. Trying to escape the images in her head. Trying to run from her guilt. Gasping for air, but unable to breathe.

“Julia! Julia!” Char’s steady voice cut through her fog of panic. “You are OK. You can breathe. Just listen to me.”

Julia followed Char’s calm directions. How many times had they been through this together? Char knew exactly how to walk her through her panic attack. “Listen to me, Jewels. I want you to breathe in for 8 seconds. Hold it for 8 seconds. Now breathe out for 8 seconds.” Julia practiced her square breathing, blocking everything out but Char’s voice. She felt herself ease into the breathing pattern Char directed, and slowly the images receded, and she could see again.

Julia looked around. Char had her arms around her, and they were both sitting on the floor of the stadium. Julia was not sure how she had gotten there. She must have walked down the stairs at some point. Char spoke to someone behind Julia and said, “Would you please find her some water?”

Julia heard the unmistakable sound of David’s voice behind her, “Absolutely. I will be right back.”

Julia moaned out loud. “Oh my God. Did the hot bodyguard just witness my panic attack?”

Char, still holding Julia, rocked her reassuringly, “Don’t worry about him. I will make sure he doesn’t divulge your secrets. You know I have my ways.” She was smiling softly, and Julia looked at her questioningly, but Char quickly changed the subject. “Hey, are you OK?” I never would have agreed to their plan if I thought it would result in this. 

Julia looked at Char in shock, “What do you mean ‘agree to their plan?’

Char blushed slightly, “Well, when David started to leave you behind I told him we would have to slow down. Not that I wasn’t a little interested in having him to myself, of course,” Char dipped her head and smiled again. “That’s when he said that Jimin had made arrangements to see you privately. Char nudged Julia, “So...what was THAT about? Was it a fangirl’s dream come true?”

“Yeah, you might say that.” Julia took a deep breath as she remember how they had moved together, feeling the music, and how she had felt so alive. And then she recalled his request. “I just want to see you dance again.” Julia straightened, and said, “Yeah, it was a dream. And now it is time to wake up.”

David appeared carrying a very cold bottle of water. He handed it to Julia, and she drank deeply, with each gulp she felt more like herself, more in control. 

She finished the bottle and handed it back to David. “Thank you for your help. I really appreciate it.”

Switching on her calm and collected persona, Julia stood with a smile and said, “I guess the musty air must have triggered my allergies. Thanks for everything.” Julia stood up and then thrust a hand out toward David. A she shook David’s hand she breezily called over her shoulder, “Char, I have that thing I have to do, so I am going to head out. I’ll see you back at the hotel.” She turned, giving Char a saucy wink, and then trotted away before Char could stop her.

Julia found a number of taxis still in the area, so she was able to quickly wave one down and give them directions back to her hotel. The taxi driver was in a chatty mood, so as he droned on about all of the famous tourist sites that can’t be missed, “If you look over here, you can see the oldest skyscraper in the city.” Julia threw herself into the conversation. Doing a fantastic job of appearing like she really cared and had a deep interest in visiting each place he described. Yes. This is what real life is. It’s mundane conversations with taxi drivers and the feel of the seat sticking to your legs. It’s not fantasies about tender kisses with a Kpop idol or long forgotten dreams of the spotlight. “So, when was that built?” Julia gestured toward a towering skyscraper and recommitted to the conversation.


End file.
